Bill Gates was taking a walk along the private beach of his seaside villa when he noticed something unusual shining in the sunlight.
It wasn’t a drone or a piece of treasure. It was an old, dusty bottle that had washed ashore.
Bill picked it up, wiped it clean with his beach towel, and pulled out the cork.
POOF!
A cloud of blue smoke appeared, followed by a genie who looked like he had just woken up from a thousand-year nap.
Genie:
“Who dares awaken me from my 1,000-year slumber?”
Bill looked at him.
Bill:
“Hi, I’m Bill. Gates.”
The genie froze.
Genie:
“Wait… the Bill Gates?”
Bill:
“Uh-huh.”
The genie looked worried.
Genie:
“Oh, great. My first wish-giver in a thousand years, and I get someone who already has everything. What could you possibly want? A bigger yacht? A smart refrigerator that talks to your houseplants?”
Bill laughed.
Bill:
“I’m really just out for a walk. But I suppose you owe me three wishes.”
The genie sighed.
Genie:
“Fine. Three wishes. Just don’t make them too complicated. The last person asked to become one with the universe, and now he’s a tree in Central Park.”
Bill thought for a moment.
Bill:
“First wish: I want every child in the world to have access to a quality education.”
The genie blinked.
Genie:
“Wow. That’s noble.”
Bill:
“I’m known for that.”
Bill brushed some sand off his smartwatch.
Bill:
“Second wish: Let’s eliminate malaria.”
The genie nodded.
Genie:
“Done. I should have guessed you’d use your wishes for good. What about your third wish? Maybe something for yourself?”
Bill thought carefully.
Bill:
“Okay. I want to finally understand how printer ink prices work.”
The genie gasped.
Genie:
“That’s dark magic. Even I won’t touch that.”
Bill frowned.
Bill:
“You can bend time and space, but you can’t explain why printer cartridges cost so much?”
Genie:
“Look, even the ancient scrolls feared office-supply economics. I’d rather turn myself back into smoke.”
Bill shrugged.
Bill:
“Fair enough. Then for my third wish, surprise me.”
The genie smiled.
Genie:
“Surprise you? Are you sure?”
Bill nodded.
There was a flash of light, a cloud of smoke, and suddenly Bill found himself standing on the beach wearing a Walmart polo shirt.
His name tag read: “Hi, I’m Bill—Ask Me About Savings!”
Bill:
“WHAT IS THIS?!”
The genie grinned.
Genie:
“Congratulations! For one day, you’ll experience true humility—and rollback prices. I call it ‘Billionaire Empathy Training.'”
Bill looked horrified.
Bill:
“Do I still own Microsoft?”
Genie:
“Nope. Right now, you own one pair of khakis, a breakroom mug, and a 12-minute lunch.”
Bill took a deep breath.
Bill:
“Okay. Fine. When does this end?”
Genie:
“At closing time. Unless Gary from Aisle 6 calls in sick again. Then you’re working the late shift.”
The genie disappeared in a puff of smoke, laughing.
And somewhere on a beach far away, Jeff Bezos picked up a suspicious-looking bottle.