A woman goes to her boyfriend’s parents’ house for dinner. It’s her first time meeting the family, and she’s so nervous you’d think she were meeting royalty instead of a friendly couple with a cat named Sir Fluffington.
They sit down to a wonderful meal—roast chicken, mashed potatoes, green beans, and all the usual favorites. Everything is going perfectly. His mother is polite, his father is friendly, and her boyfriend hasn’t embarrassed her yet. A miracle!
Just as she starts to relax, she feels a little rumble in her stomach.
No big deal, she thinks. Probably just nerves.
But then it happens again. Louder this time.
She panics. Oh no! Not here. Not during my first dinner with his parents!
She tries crossing her legs, changing positions, and doing everything she can to keep quiet. Nothing helps.
Then the family dog walks under the table.
Perfect! she thinks. Thank you, furry little hero.
She quietly lets out a tiny toot.
Pfffffft.
The sound is small, but the smell is powerful.
The dad wrinkles his nose.
Dad:
“Rex! Get out from under the table!”
The woman smiles awkwardly, relieved that the blame has landed on the dog.
But a few minutes later, her stomach rumbles again.
She shifts to the other side and lets out another little toot.
Pfffffft.
Dad:
“Rex! Go lie down!”
The dog looks up as if to say, It wasn’t me!
Now the woman is sweating and praying for dessert—or a meteor strike—whichever ends dinner first.
Then disaster strikes.
BRRRRRT!
The entire table goes silent.
The dad jumps up.
Dad:
“REX! Get out of here before you clear the whole room!”
The woman, bright red with embarrassment, quickly joins in.
Woman:
“Yeah, bad dog! What has he been eating?!”
Her boyfriend leans over and whispers:
Boyfriend:
“We don’t even have a dog.”
The woman freezes.
The dad looks around in confusion.
Dad:
“Wait… then who’s Rex?”
Everyone goes silent.
From the windowsill, the cat, Sir Fluffington, gives a judgmental meow, as if he’s thinking, Humans are disgusting.
The woman nervously grabs her purse.
Woman:
“Well, this has been lovely. I think I left my car running… in another state.”
She rushes out the door, taking what remains of her dignity with her.
Later, her boyfriend calls.
Boyfriend:
“Hey… Mom loved you. She said you were the most down-to-earth girl I’ve ever dated.”
Woman:
“Really?”
Boyfriend:
“Yeah. Dad said you left an impression too.”
Woman:
“Oh? What kind?”
Boyfriend:
“Let’s just say the dining room still has a little bit of your… presence.”
Moral of the story? If you’re meeting the family for the first time, maybe eat light—or bring your own dog.